A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” he said, “This is a special day for me, I’m celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me, too, and I’m also celebrating!,” says the woman.

“What a coincidence,” says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, “What are you Celebrating?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!”

“What a coincidence,” says the man. “I’m a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally laying fertilized eggs.”

“That’s great!” says the woman, “How did your chickens become fertile?”

“I switched cocks,” he replied.

She smiled and said, “What a coincidence!”……

One morning at a doctor’s clinic a patient arrives complaining of  serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him” OK, what  happened to your back?” The patient replies “You know that I work  for

a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been  with  my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door  and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a  man  running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and  threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back”.

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.

The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible..

What the hell happened to you?” He replied, “You know I have been  unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I  forgot to set my alarm and was running late.. I was running out of  the  building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won’t believe it  but I was hit by a fridge.”

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two  patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell  happened to youuuuuu……?” “Well I was sitting in a fridge &  someone  threw it from the 3rd floor”.

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.? She said,
‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each
other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling
husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II
appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish
is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember
fairies are female…..

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Men have a better time than women;

for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
–H. L. Mencken

———————————————————————

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

———————————————————————

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

———————————————————————-

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

———————————————————————

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

–Anonymous

———————————————————————-

———————————————————————
Men have a better time than women;

for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
–H. L. Mencken

———————————————————————

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

———————————————————————

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

———————————————————————-

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

———————————————————————

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

–Anonymous

———————————————————————-

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night?’

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?’ he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

‘Yes, I do’ she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?’

‘Yes, I remember!’ said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’

‘I remember that too’ she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…

‘I would have been released today.’

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night?’

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?’ he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

‘Yes, I do’ she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?’

‘Yes, I remember!’ said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’

‘I remember that too’ she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…

‘I would have been released today.’

Every man should get married some time;

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

–Anonymous

———————————————————————

Bachelors should be heavily taxed.

It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

–Oscar Wilde

———————————————————————-

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

–Scottish Proverb

———————————————————————-

I don’t worry about terrorism.

I was married for two years.

–Sam Kinison

———————————————————————

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”

Every man should get married some time;

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

–Anonymous

———————————————————————

Bachelors should be heavily taxed.

It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

–Oscar Wilde

———————————————————————-

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

–Scottish Proverb

———————————————————————-

I don’t worry about terrorism.

I was married for two years.

–Sam Kinison

———————————————————————

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”